Jim Liebelt's Youth Culture Watch

The "Not My Kid" Syndrome

It seems that whether the issue is drugs, alcohol, bullying, risky driving, media consumption, or sex, studies are showing that parents consistently underestimate their own kids interest or participation in these behaviors. In the most recent study, researchers have found that many parents don't believe their kids are interested in sex while holding to the notion that everyone else's kids are.

What drives the NMK ("Not My Kid") Syndrome held by so many parents? I think there are several primary factors at play:

1) Some parents have a hard time letting go of viewing their kids as innocent children. They've invested years in protecting their kids, controlling and monitoring activities, and trying to instill values. Parents want to believe that they've done a good job at parenting - and many have! But, when kids hit adolescence and begin the transition to adulthood, it can be tough for parents to begin viewing their kids as ready to meet the challenge. They have a hard time coming to terms with their kids leaving childhood behind and starting to experience new levels of adult thinking, emerging emotions, and the physical and hormonal changes that every adolescent experiences. Most of us have viewed scenes on television or video where a parent is having a discussion with their teenager in one clip and then suddenly, the parent is talking to a small child (the younger version of the teenager). This teenager-as-child portrayal captures the concept well.

2) Kids mature differently. Because there is no normal when it comes to adolescent development, no set template that all kids follow on the pathway to adulthood, parents aren't always aware of when adolescent changes are taking place. One kid may be interested in sexuality and his or her parents know it, while another may be interested but keep his or her interest hidden from the parents. Or one kid may be interested in sexuality very early in adolescence while another shows no interest well into her or his high school years. The development process, unique to each adolescent, can make it easier for parents to believe that their kid isn't "there yet" when it comes to typical adolescent interests and behaviors.

3) Not all kids engage in at-risk behaviors. The simple fact is that not every teen has sex, drinks alcohol, takes drugs, drives like a maniac, texts 100 times a day, or is addicted to the Internet. These facts make it easy for parents to make a simple assumption that their kids are in the "NMK" category, whether they are or not. But, in reality, while not all kids engage in at-risk behaviors, all kids think about them and are susceptible to temptations and peer pressure.

4) Parents are uncomfortable talking about tough issues. Most parent don't relish discussions with their teenagers on tough issues like sexuality, or drugs and alcohol. The hesitance to talk about these topics make it easier for parents to rationalize that their kids aren't ready or interested in these issues.

Rather than being a "NMK" parent, the wise course of action is to prepare kids for the inevitable process of adolescence and the challenges and temptations that accompany it. Talking to kids about these issues in an atmosphere of acceptance and openness will help kids face challenges when they arise. Certainly, even with parent-teen discussions, not all kids will emerge into adulthood having avoided all teenage at-risk behaviors. There will be wounds along the way. And hopefully, there will be some good lessons learned from their mistakes with few long-term consequences. But, parents who live this season of life with a "Not My Kid" attitude actually put their kids at greater risk of being hurt along the way. It's far better for parents to live with a "Why Not My Kid?" point of view.

Parents Teaching Kids Money Values

According to a recent survey by American Express, 71% of parents with children between the ages six and 16 say their children understand that we are in a recession. This number suggests that talks about the current economic environment are happening at kitchen tables across the country. The survey also reveals that 91% of parents say they are committed to instilling lessons of financial responsibility upon their children in 2010.

Not only are America's youth attuned to the country's economic downturn, some are even internalizing a sense of responsibility for the family budget, says the report. One in five children has indicated to a parent that "maybe we shouldn't buy that due to the recession."

More than nine in ten parents will be focused on offering valuable financial instruction in 2010. The top lessons are as follows:

• Understanding of debt and its impact on saving and spending (30%)
• Teaching the value of a dollar through reward systems like an allowance (25%)
• The basic teaching of how money is earned and used in everyday life (21%)

Source: Center for Media Research
http://www.mediapost.com/publications/?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=123652

Good Idea to Limit Kids' Media Screen Time

A study of New Zealand teens concludes that parents who limit their children's media screen time may be helping them establish better relationships with friends and family. The study's authors recommend limiting screen time to less than two hours per day, which may be a daunting task given that teens in the U.S. average over seven hours per day according to a recently released study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Parents who don't let their children watch too much television or sit at the computer for hours have been vindicated by a study that linked excessive "screen" time with troubles relating to other people.

The study's findings, published in the March issue of the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, should reassure parents who feel guilty that they are depriving their children of entertainment that their peers are also indulging in, lead author Dr. Rose Richards of the University of Otago said.

"Our findings give some reassurance that it is fine to limit TV viewing," she said. "In fact, it may result in stronger relationships between young people, their friends and their parents."

The study was based on the Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study and the Youth Lifestyle Study conducted by the university in the 1980s and then in 2004.

Although the studies were some 16 years apart and the nature of screen-based entertainment has changed, the link with family relationships appears to be the same.

"We found that staring at any screen for a long time is detrimental, and advise parents to stick to the recommended time limit of less than two hours of any screen use a day."

Source: Reuters
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSSGE62103520100302

LG Mobile Launches Texting Campaign, Website for Parents

LG Electronics MobileComm U.S.A., Inc. (LG Mobile Phones) today introduced LG Text Ed, a multifaceted campaign that provides parents with the know-how and resources they need to promote responsible mobile phone usage among their text-savvy children. Through extensive in-depth research, LG discovered that mobile phone misuse such as sexting, harassment, sending gossipy texts, and forwarding inappropriate images is prevalent among today’s teenage youth. Yet, many parents are still in the dark about the myriad ways kids can misuse their mobile phones.

A first-of-its-kind program among mobile phone manufacturers in the U.S., LG Text Ed includes an advisory council of experts who will provide parents with information on a range of topics—from sexting to phone etiquette to driving while texting—via a new website: www.LGTextEd.com. Building on its highly praised Give It A Ponder viral campaign that targets teens with comedic and lighthearted web-based videos, LG Text Ed will reach parents through a dedicated website and a variety of online and public service type marketing platforms.

Designed to be a one-stop-shop for anyone seeking guidance on text messaging behavior, the LG Text Ed website will house resources from the advisory council such as monthly articles, tips, videos and an interactive question and answer forum. Other tools include www.lgdtxtr.com, a site that allows parents to familiarize themselves with common texting terminology and to decode cryptic text messages their kids may be using.

Source: MultiVu
http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/lg-one/42589/

Teens Do Better With Parents Who Set Limits

An article from USA Today points out findings of various studies that demonstrate teens do better when they have parents who set and enforce boundaries.

Here's some good news for parents of tweens and teens: You rule.

That may be hard to believe sometimes. And it's true kids won't always follow your health and safety rules. But studies show parents who keep setting boundaries make a huge difference. In other words, "parenting works," even for teens, says Alanna Levine, a pediatrician in Tappan, N.Y., and spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

The latest example: a survey on media use by the Kaiser Family Foundation. It found that typical kids ages 8 to 18 spend an astounding 7 hours and 38 minutes a day consuming entertainment media, drinking deeply from the fire hose of TV, computers, game consoles, cellphones, music players and other devices (while occasionally glancing at books and other non-electronic media). Many experts, including the pediatrics academy, consider that much screen time bad for mental and physical health.

But the study also found that kids whose parents set any time or content limits were plugged in for three hours less each day. "Parents can have a big influence," says Kaiser researcher Vicky Rideout.

And it doesn't stop with screen time...

Source: USA Today
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/painter/2010-02-08-yourhealth08_ST_N.htm

Never Spanking Kids Might Be Worse Than Spanking

New research called Portraits of American Life is underway, and it involves interviews of 2,600 people and their adolescent children every three years for the next 20 years. Dr. Marjorie Gunnoe is working with the first wave of data on the teens. It turns out that almost a quarter of these teens report they were never spanked. Gunnoe discovered a shocker in the data: those who’d been spanked just when they were young—ages 2 to 6—were doing a little better as teenagers than those who’d never been spanked. On almost every measure. A separate group of teens had been spanked until they were in elementary school. Their last spanking had been between the ages of 7 and 11. These teens didn’t turn out badly, either. Compared with the never-spanked, they were slightly worse off on negative outcomes, but a little better off on the good outcomes. Only the teenagers who were still being spanked clearly showed problems.

Source: Newsweek
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/nurtureshock/archive/2009/12/30/never-been-spanked.aspx

Parents' Sex Talk with Kids: Too Little, Too Late

Another reminder that parents should make talking to their kids about sexuality a priority -- and an ongoing discussion -- rather than having "the talk." Jim Burns, President of HomeWord, has recently released the "Pure Foundations" series of resources to help parents address this need throughout their childrens' stages of development. Click here to check out these resources.

The sex talk is never easy. It's not comfortable for anyone involved — parents are afraid of it, children are mortified by it — which is probably why the talk so often comes after the fact. In the latest study on parent-child talks about sex and sexuality, researchers found that more than 40% of adolescents had had intercourse before talking to their parents about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases.

That trend is troublesome, say experts, since teens who talk to their parents about sex are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active. And, ironically, despite their apparent dread, kids really want to learn about sex from their parents, according to study after study on the topic.

Source: Time
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1945759,00.html?xid=rss-topstories

The Growing Backlash Against Over-Parenting

A new article worth the read from Time Magazine: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395-1,00.html

Where's Your Kid?

I was doing my regular news surfing this morning and came across a new iPhone application, iCurfew, that boasts a simple interface, allowing kids to check in with their parents via email, sending Mom or Dad an un-editable link that maps their precise location.

The app utilizes the iPhone's GPS capabilities to generate a link with precise coordinates - and when parents receive the email, they click on the link and a map is displayed with the location of the phone.

A positive aspect of this application is that it doesn't spy on the kid and generate the email automatically, but rather depends on the kid to identify their location (which generates the link) and then send the email.

My mind immediately wanders over to some lousy ways this application could be used by parents which could damage trust between them and their kids.

Also, I'm thinking that because many kids today are extremely tech saavy, if using iCurfew, they could pretty easily figure out ways to circumvent the purpose (the kid leaves their phone with a friend at the movies, who sends the check-in email, while the kid goes somewhere else, for example.) And, it seems reasonable to think that kids will come up with hacks to the application to send a false location.

So, in terms of a parent's overall goal of keeping track of one's kids, iCurfew, might not be a good option, especially for those who are having problems and trust issues with their kids.

But, in some circumstances, where parents and kids have an overall healthy relationship it might be a positive tool, not only for keeping track of where kids are, but helping to build accountability and responsibility in a teen's life.

The app also has some other benefits outside of the primary purpose of checking in. For example, helping parents with precise information on where to pick up their kid, and where to meet one another, let's say when on a shopping trip at a big mall.

In fact, I'm thinking of all of the uses it might provide for me in connecting with my wife. Like sending her my location when I'm out fishing local rivers on my own. Could provide some piece of mind for both of us. Seems like it would be well worth the $0.99 to download and use it myself.

The application is only available for use on the iPhone.

Source: HomeWord / Center for Youth and Family at APU

Young Kids Watch More Than a Day of TV Every Week

Ugh! Doing some simple math on these numbers shows that younger kids are spending the equivalent of 2+ months a year watching television. We'll see what impact this has in the coming years.

More than an entire day -- that's how long children sit in front of the television in an average week, according to new findings released Monday by Nielsen.

The amount of television usage by children reached an eight-year high, with kids ages 2 to 5 watching the screen for more than 32 hours a week on average and those ages 6 to 11 watching more than 28 hours. The analysis, based on the fourth quarter of 2008, measured children's consumption of live and recorded TV, as well as VCR and game console usage.

"They're using all the technology available in their households," said Patricia McDonough, Nielsen's senior vice president of insights, analysis and policy. "They're using the DVD, they're on the Internet. They're not giving up any media -- they're just picking up more."

The increase in consumption is in part the result of more programming targeted at kids, she said, including video on demand, which is particularly popular among young children who like to watch their favorite shows over and over again.

"When I was a kid, I had Saturday morning cartoons," McDonough said. "And now there are programs they want to watch available to them whenever they want to watch them."

"I think parents are clueless about how much media their kids are using and what they're watching," said Dr. Vic Strasburger, a professor of pediatrics at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and a spokesman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

"There are some extraordinarily good media for kids," he said. "But even the best -- 'Sesame Street' for 5-year-olds -- kids shouldn't be watching five hours a day. They should be outside playing. They should be having books read to them."

Source: Los Angeles Times
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-kids-tv27-2009oct27,0,2531927.story