Jim Liebelt's Youth Culture Watch

College Kids’ Parents Grapple With Letting Go

Although it’s exciting and fulfilling, sending a child to college has rarely been easy, family psychology experts say. The move marks the end of the active stage of child-rearing and a shift to more passive kind of parenting, said Dr. Karen Soren, director of adolescent health services at New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital.

For a generation of so-called “helicopter” parents — mothers and fathers who were urged to be extensively involved in their children’s academic and social lives — the shift can be particularly hard, said Marjorie Savage, director of a University of Minnesota parent program and author of a book on the college transition.

Modern-day parents typically struggle to wean themselves from intense, daily engagement with their college-age children, even as the children struggle to establish themselves as independent young adults, Savage said.

“We tell parents to think about the difference between letting them go and letting them grow,” she said.

That may be easier said than done, especially this year, when new college students are starting school in the midst of a historic recession, which has added financial worry to the emotional toll of the transition.

More than 53 percent of freshmen at four-year colleges said they and their families had some concern about paying for school, and another 11 percent said they had major concerns, according to a December poll by the Chronicle of Higher Education.

Yet, finances take a back seat to emotions when it comes time for the actual separation — and then the weeks and months that follow.

“It can be very hard,” said Joyce Holl, executive director of the National Orientation Directors Association, an agency that provides education and resources for college officials. “It’s like that first day of kindergarten, but my child’s not coming home after school,” she said.

Fortunately for parents and students, there’s a science to the freshman year departure process. From convocation ceremonies to parent barbecues, every activity is designed to ease parents away from the school — even as students are eased in.

Source: MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32634569/ns/us_news-the_elkhart_project/#sp-tx/page-2

Kids Today on Tighter Leash, But Wild at Home

Parents today give their children more freedom at home but keep them on a tighter leash in public, a new study finds. This is the reverse of what was considered good parenting in the early half of the last century, the researcher showed.

The conclusion comes from an offbeat, qualitative study, which involved a review of 300 advice columns from Parents magazine, published between 1929 and 2006.

Examples cited in the study reveal a disciplined approach to child-rearing a couple generations ago that's all but gone today.

"Today's parents face demands that require near-constant surveillance of their children," said the study's author, Markella Rutherford of Wellesley College in Massachusetts. "Allowing children more autonomy to express themselves and their disagreements at home may well be a response to the loss of more substantial forms of children's autonomy to move through and participate in their communities on their own."

The in-home freedom could explain a stereotypical complaint by grandparents that their grandchildren are "out of control," Rutherford said.

The loss of public freedom could reflect social changes, including the current design of towns and suburbs, which focus mostly on the convenience of auto traffic, not kids. Highly-publicized child abductions also scare parents into keeping a close eye on kids, Rutherford notes.

In the early 20th century, advice columns tended to promote obedience, with children listening to parents regarding diet, appearance and other personal matters.

And chores of yesteryear would be considered abuse by some kids today: Through the 1950s, the household work doled out to children described in Parents included cleaning, shopping, meal preparation, furniture rearranging, furnace maintenance, automobile maintenance and nursing of sick family members.

While tightening the leashes at home, parents often gave their kids free rein outside, allowing them to play sports, ride bikes, buses and subways all over town, and even hitch rides.

By the second half of the century through today, advice in Parents has increasingly recommended allowing children to express themselves freely, even if that means defying and arguing with parents.

In the 1960s, '70s and '80s, descriptions of children's household chores all but disappear and instead the focus is placed on schoolwork, Rutherford found.

The results are detailed online in the journal Qualitative Sociology.

Source: Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090805/sc_livescience/kidstodayontighterleashbutwildathome

Fathers Respond To Teens' Risky Sexual Behavior

A new longitudinal study finds that when adolescents engage in risky sexual activity, fathers respond by increasing their efforts to supervise and monitor their children.

Researchers at Boston College, the University of Pittsburgh, and Harvard University conducted the study, which appears in the May/June 2009 issue of the journal Child Development.

The study suggests that fathers react differently than mothers to their children's sexual behavior. When teens engaged in risky sexual behavior, instead of parents becoming less involved, as previously seen, fathers boosted their involvement, learning more about their children's friends and activities. This finding contradicts previous research, which has found that parents react with hostility and are less engaged following such discoveries.

This study also identified involvement in family activities as a protective force. Specifically, it found that teens who took part in routine family activities like eating meals together or joining in fun projects were less likely to engage in risky sexual activity, and teens who didn't engage in risky sexual behavior were more likely to participate in family activities.

Source: EurekAlert
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-05/sfri-frt050809.php

Parents and Teachers Have More Influence Than Peers

A new Australian study provides another reminder for parents that their influence is primary in the lives of kids. It is true, particularly for early and middle-adolescent kids, that influence of peers does increase. But, this shouldn't convince parents that they matter less. Striving to maintain open communication and keeping relationships healthy are keys to keeping parental influence strong.

Parents and teachers who fear their good work instilling academic discipline and motivation is ruined by a child's peer group can take heart: new research shows they have more influence on young people than they think.

A University of Sydney study has found that getting on well with parents and teachers has a strong positive influence on adolescents' academic outcomes - and a bigger influence than getting on with peers. These findings provide new hope to parents and teachers who too often assume that they cannot compete with the power of the peer group.

"Parents and teachers who might feel powerless during adolescence have a bigger influence on academic motivation than they think - sometimes up to three times the impact of peers," said Andrew Martin, an Associate Professor at the Faculty of Education and Social Work and the study's lead researcher.

"If you think you have no impact, stick with it because you do, and not just in the early years - at all stages of secondary school teachers and parents have a significant impact." He also cautioned that the flipside of the research is that academic motivation suffers when a child does not get on well with teachers or parents. "The study clearly points to the importance of positive connections and quality relationships with teachers and parents in adolescents' lives."

Source: The Medical News
http://www.news-medical.net/news/2009/05/14/Parents-and-teachers-have-more-influence-than-peers.aspx

8.3M Kids Live With A Parent Who Abuses Drugs, Alcohol

According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 12% of kids under the age of 18, live with at least one parent who is dependent on or abused alcohol or illicit drugs. Is there any doubt that kids exposed to such living conditions are negatively affected?

In Brief:

Combined data from 2002 to 2007 indicate that over 8.3 million children under 18 years of age (11.9 percent) lived with at least one parent who was dependent on or abused alcohol or an illicit drug during the past year.

Of these, almost 7.3 million (10.3 percent) lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused alcohol, and about 2.1 million (3.0 percent) lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused illicit drugs.

About 5.4 million children under 18 years of age lived with a father who met the criteria for past year substance dependence or abuse, and 3.4 million lived with a mother who met the criteria.

Source: The NSDUH Report (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
http://oas.samhsa.gov/2k9/SAparents/SAparents.pdf

New Product Alerts for Parents

I'm not specifically endorsing these products, but want to make parents aware that a couple of new products have come onto the market, one for tracking what your kids are doing online and the other which assists parents in teaching their kids how to drive.

Symantec's OnlineFamily.Norton
For parents that want to track their children's online usage, identify questionable sites that have been visited and block sites from access, OnlineFamily.Norton (free software, and free service through January 1, 2010) streamlines data for parents and highlights sites parents might want to block. It provides search data as well, enabling parents to determine if kids searched for inappropriate sites or stumbled onto them.

Source: ABC News
http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=7434768&page=1

Driver Ed in a Box
The goal of Driver Ed in a Box is to equip teens to become safe, collision-free drivers. The materials include audio CDs, videos on DVD, a textbook, a student workbook, and training mirrors for use in the in-vehicle training. The parent materials are thorough, well organized and are designed to help build the teen's confidence in driving. Parents provide first-hand experience to their teen and in the process build the teen's confidence as a new driver.

Source: PRWeb
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/04/prweb2360614.htm

Low Self-Esteem at Crisis Levels for Girls

A new study indicates an alarming number of girls and teens have low self-esteem, which in turn results in destructive behaviors. According to the study's findings, the key to reversing the trend has to do with parents and other adult role-models providing consistent communication, support and encouragement to the girls in their lives.

Self-esteem has become a national crisis in this country. The majority of girls (seven in ten) feel they do not measure up in some way including their looks, performance in school and relationships. Most disturbing is that girls with low self-esteem are engaging in harmful and destructive behavior that can leave a lasting imprint on their lives. These new findings come from Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem, conducted with girls between eight and 17 and commissioned by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund.

Destructive Behaviors

An alarming number of girls are turning to destructive action when feeling insecure, and girls with low self-esteem are three times more likely to participate in dangerous behaviors during these times.

--  75 percent of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative and potentially harmful activities, such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking, when feeling badly about themselves -- compared with 25 percent of girls with high self-esteem.

--  61 percent of teen girls with low self-esteem admit to talking badly about themselves. (Compared to 15 percent of girls with high self-esteem.)

--  25 percent of teen girls with low self-esteem resort to injuring themselves on purpose or cutting when feeling badly about themselves. (Compared to 4 percent of girls with high self-esteem.)

--  25 percent of teen girls with low self-esteem practice disordered eating, such as starving themselves, refusing to eat, or over-eating and throwing up, when feeling badly about themselves.(Compared to 7 percent of girls with high self-esteem.)

"Low self-esteem among girls and young women has reached a crisis level," said Dr. Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., a psychologist and self-esteem expert who collaborated on Real Girls, Real Pressure. "The new report from Dove confirms the importance of healthy self-esteem and the dangerous consequences that can arise when hang-ups about looks, academics and popularity erode a girl's sense of self-worth and self-acceptance."

Girls are also craving better communication with adult figures as they struggle with challenges in their lives. The top wish among girls is for their parents to communicate better with them, including more frequent and more open conversations, as well as discussions about what is happening in her life. However, as girls enter their teenage years there is a significant loss of trust and communication with adults, particularly when they are feeling badly about themselves.

"We cannot underestimate just how vital the words and actions of parents are in fostering positive self-esteem in girls. However, it can be challenging because adolescence is not typically a time when girls are reaching out to their parents and speaking candidly," said self-esteem expert Jess Weiner, a best-selling author and the Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund. "The good news is that if parents and other role models are willing to create a steady conversation of encouragement, honesty and openness it can definitely help girls gain confidence and reach their full potential."

Source: PRNewswire
http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/10-07-2008/0004899068&EDATE=

MTV Greenlights 'Sex'

MTV has greenlighted a sex-themed series for teens and their parents featuring relationship expert Dr. Drew Pinsky.

The show, "Sex ... With Mom and Dad," is part of Think MTV's sexual-health campaign "It's Your (Sex) Life." In each half-hour episode, Pinsky will help a teen and his or her parents work through their problems discussing sex, dating and relationships.

"This is a unique and compelling format from overseas that we redeveloped and adapted for the MTV audience about getting families to talk openly about a taboo topic," MTV executive vp Tony DiSanto said.

"Sex," which has received a 20-episode order, debuts at 7 p.m. Sept. 29.

Source: Hollywoodreporter.com
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3ifb7c0deaad627f7cff0c4ac62796b2a9

Okay, just an fyi on this. While a show dedicated to increasing the discussion of sexuality between parents and teens has some merit, two big caveats: 1) The show is on MTV, which ought to give parents an immediate caution flag. The article above notes "adapted for the MTV audience." 'Enough said. 2) I surfed over to MTV.com and viewed the trailer for show. In it Dr. Drew assigns parents and kids assignments, such as one teen taking his parents to all of the "interesting" places he's had sex (including one local dumpster!) and another girl is seen taking her father to a drug store for some condom shopping.

So, if your looking for wholesome, healthy-morals television to help you get the discussion on sexuality going with your kids, "Sex...With Mom and Dad" won't be the show for your family!

Summer Camps Find a New Trend: Kidsick Parents, not Homesick Kids

It used to be the homesick kid begging to come home from camp. While that still happens, camp leaders and family counselors have noticed that it is often parents who have more trouble letting go.

They call it “kidsickness,” a condition attributed in large part to today’s more involved style of parenting. Observers also say it is only being exacerbated by our ability to be in constant contact by cell phone and computer, as well as many parents’ perception that the world is a more dangerous place.

Rick Pearson, president of Fun in the Son, a Christian camp in southern Missouri, estimates that parents suffer more than kids by at least 10-1.

Pearson cannot recall one time that a camper had to go home because of homesickness, but said “parents have a terrible time with their kids being gone.”

Source: Kansascity.com
http://www.kansascity.com/105/story/699094.html#

Note the quote: "today's more involved style of parenting." Around HomeWord, we call it "Helicopter Parenting". For more information on this, see the HomeWord article on the topic by clicking on the link below:

Confessions of a Recovering "Helicopter Parent"

Parent or a Pal? Parents Are Conflicted

According to data from the 2007 Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), released by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, some parents feel conflicted in parenting their teens because they value having a strong friendship with their child. Parents’ wish to be their child’s friend and their reluctance to set rules and limits for their kids increases dramatically during the middle school years.

PATS found 36 percent of parents with kids in grades 6th-8th agree “it is very important to me that my child consider me a friend” compared to 20 percent of parents with children in 4th-5th grades.

Parents of middle school kids (6th -8th grades) are more likely than parents of elementary school children (4th-5th grades) to agree that:

I have a hard time saying “no” to my child when he/she wants to do something or go somewhere I have doubts about (37 percent vs. 18 percent).

It’s hard to tell my child not to do something if all of his/her friends’ parents allow them to do it or if other parents approve (40 percent vs. 19 percent).

Source: Businesswire
http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20080611005251&newsLang=en

This is a difficult area for some parents. The desire to have a close relationship (friendship) with children as they grow older can become a more important priority than equipping them to become responsible adults. Yet, the latter is the larger priority. A parent's job is not to be their child's best friend. Adolescence is a season of life where kids need their parents to provide guidance, and consistent discipline to help them mature into responsible adulthood. This of course, can create tension between parents and kids. It's not uncommon for parents to feel "unliked' by their kids when they employ loving, steady-handed discipline with their teens. As much as this may make a parent feel uncomfortable, it's okay. As kids reach adulthood, they'll typically come around and the friendship relationship can grow.